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Be Happy: Strategies for the Pursuit of Happiness and a Quality Life

Tracy Boyd

          It is my assumption that you are ready to change your life using healthy practices, which is why you are reading this article. According to Furnham and Christoforou (2007), subjective well-being is synonymous with happiness. May you become more aware about taking care of your self so you may experience a quality life and happiness. Carefully choosing life experiences will allow you to profit or lose in the area of well-being. Life experiences that you do not choose, often cause you to grow, especially if you can reframe how you perceive them. According to Csikszentmihalyi (1990), if you want your life to improve, the quality of your experiences need to improve.

          If I tell you that everything you have experienced brought you where you are today, I am also highlighting the place where you are today, which I will refer to as your baseline. I do this in order to ask you a question. Where do you go from here knowing that you cannot relive yesterday? If you constantly worry, feel depressed, anxious or sad about an event that might happen, it is time to examine such thoughts. Changing your mind about reflecting on events or circumstances that cause anxiety, depression, fear or worry is a step up from your baseline. Continuously holding on to these thoughts keeps you in the same place, which does not leave room for growth or change.

          For a positive change, it is recommended that you examine any thoughts that keep you thinking about dangers that might occur, tragedies that might happen and those that do not agree with you being happy, successful or having a brighter future. There are many factors involved in gaining happiness. You need relief from the suffering and a way to add meaning to your life, which is why quality life experiences are necessary. I hope you apply the given solutions and find relief from the suffering. Becoming aware of your thoughts and beliefs is a solution for obtaining happiness.

Thoughts and beliefs on behavior
           What do these thoughts and beliefs cause you to do? How do negative thoughts affect your behavior? Take a moment to think about it. How do your thoughts make you feel (anxious, depressed, sad, hopeless, alone, angry)? What behavior follows these feelings? So, what do you do? I do not need to delve into what happens if you do not evaluate thoughts and beliefs that keep you from being happy because you are already experiencing that reality and whether it is positive. Anxiety and depression need to leave your life to improve it because they are the main components that keep you from happiness (Furnham & Christoforou, 2007). You are the only one who can make the decision about how you handle your thoughts and beliefs.

Automatic thoughts
           Often, people who are depressed, automatically respond to many situations negatively, which means a pattern has developed without a conscious decision to engage in this process. (Merrell, 2008). This is because a person with maladaptive thoughts believes that if he or she thinks this way, it must be true. If negative thoughts persist with no evidence to substantiate it and it affects your mood, it could be said that these thoughts are maladaptive. Maladaptive thoughts need to be replaced with adaptive thoughts so you may enjoy life more. Here is the rationale for that.

Establish a milestone for your life experiences
          If you believe that life is hopeless, you might think that your dream of success will never come true. Your beliefs might prevent you from taking necessary steps of action such as enrolling in college, completing school or getting married. This list might consist of many stumbling blocks of thoughts that hold you back from pursuing aspirations and taking action. If you believe that you are not a loveable person, your thoughts might tell you that you will never be loved. This might prevent you from showing your loveable side. These scenarios might help you understand why it is better to move away from your baseline and shine light on certain beliefs by proving them wrong. This is done in small steps by setting a goal to reframe how you see yourself. This is a step up from your baseline because you are no longer supporting those automatic thoughts. Instead, you are replacing them with new expectations. Also, set goals for new life experiences. Your thoughts and beliefs could help or hinder your ability.

Compelling life stories
           One study assessed the different groups of people living with an amputation and their automatic thoughts about his or her physical disability. Data from this study supported the hypothesis about thoughts and ability. The way a person thinks about a personal injury impacts the level of his or her functional ability (Basten, Marosszeky, & Martin, 2003). This suggests that those who believed they could do more with a disability, did more and those who did not believe they could not do as much with a disability, stayed within the confines of his or her belief. An automatic thought might have told the doubtful person that you cannot take this leap, which was supported by his or her belief about the disability.

Replacing thoughts and reframing what you see
           It is going to take you to consider the life experiences that you personally choose or have chosen in the past and narrow down to those that bring well-being and those that do not. Here is a story about someone who was able to reframe a life experience. Csikszentmihalyi (1990) points out that too much emphasis is placed on how well children perform musically instead of what they experience. He highlighted a very significant life experience for Lorin Hollander who was once a child prodigy at the piano. He used to get lost in ecstasy when playing the piano, but went into a psychologically induced paralysis due to parental criticism. His father played the violin at one time in Toscanini’s orchestra and the young pianist could not perform at his ability when around him and other adults. Consequently, his fingers froze at a concert recital and he could not open his hands for years afterward. In analyzing this story, we can see that it is possible to experience ecstasy from a performance that requires skill, concentration and challenges. It is also evident that some make our life experiences unpleasant and often without knowing it. Lorin Hollander recovered one day and went on to help other youth play instruments with enjoyment. Consider what you experience in life when searching for happiness and how you can reframe certain experiences. In helping yourself overcome components that keep you from happiness, consider the following.

Strategies to finding happiness
           Use self-talk. Talk to yourself about what you have discovered about your thoughts and feelings. They may seem valid, but do you need to hold on to them? Try to overcome automatic thoughts by writing down the pros of why you need them and the cons of why you do not. Next, use your imagination to see yourself overcoming shortcomings and dilemmas. Remember past accomplishments and how you did it. See yourself winning and succeeding now. Try to understand that each day is a new one, which means there are new options for you. Try reframing how you see things, such as my life will not be so bad if things do not go exactly as I expected or the world will not end if I do not get what I think I need. Consider the law of opposites.

          If what you are doing does not work, try the opposite. If what you are saying about yourself is not improving your well-being, say the opposite. For example, if you call yourself a loser, start saying you are a winner. If you say you are no good, start saying there is good in me. When others make negative comments about you, make positive comments about yourself. Finally, do not focus on all of your problems. We cannot experience happiness while giving attention to problems because the nervous system can only process so much information at one time (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990). Next, you will see what brings happiness to others.

          Many psychologists and researchers conclude the anticipation of new activities and challenges and aiming toward a goal brings greater opportunity for pleasure (Furnham & Christoforou, 2007). Many research studies show that people experience happiness when they perform acts of kindness to others. Health (2008) reports a study that found people experience more happiness when they spend money on others versus themselves, even employees are happiest when they give bonus checks to charity. After basic needs are met, people find more happiness when they use extra income for personal development, family or social activities and charity (North, Holahan, Moos, & Cronkite, 2008).

          A 10-year study followed 274 participating married couples to assess how family income and family support contributes to happiness. The findings concluded that family support was positively associated with concurrent happiness substantially, whereas family income showed a small, positive association with happiness. When there was family support, happiness did not change with income whether it was high, low or fluctuated within a 10-year period. Without family support, happiness did not stay the same (North et al., 2008). Family support provides social support and acceptance, which are factors that money cannot buy.

What if you feel like you do not have family support?
           It is recommended that you assess whether anyone in the family supports you before ruling out that no one does. Consider extended family, which might include others that you feel comfortable around or socialize with, whether at work, school, church or next door.

          It is time to let go of the past, rise above your baseline and bring up the quality of your experiences. According to Csikszentmihalyi (1990), life will pass in a sequence of boring and anxious experiences unless one uses skills and explores new opportunities. Become aware of your thoughts and beliefs and evaluate their relevance to your happiness. Thoughts can be debilitating and paralyzing as highlighted in the case of the people who were challenged with a disability and the young pianist and his concerns about what others thought about his performance. The thoughts about physical performance affected ability. Although the pianist was bumped off track due to criticism, he started his journey again with a new outlook and is now able to help young instrumentalists enjoy music. When considering the quality of experiences to obtain well-being, it might not always come through pleasure. For example, some foods and drink are healthy for you, but do not taste as good as you would like. But, in the long run, they sustain life better than foods and drink that taste good and shorten life. Replace the thoughts about what is apparent and reframe what you see, which is really what it was all this time. It took you time to know it!

References:

Basten, C.J., Marosszeky, J.E., & Martin, I. (2003). The role of automatic
          thoughts in adjustment to physical disability. Australian Journal of
          Psychology, Supplement, 55, 165.

Csikszentmihalyi, M. 1990. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. New
          York: Harper & Row.

Furnham, A., & Christoforou, I. (2007). Personality traits, emotional intelligence,
          and multiple happiness. North American Journal of Psychology, 9(3), 439-
          462.

Health wire health wire health wire. (2008). Consumer Reports on Health, 20(7),
          2.

Merrell, K., W. (2008). Helping students overcome depression and anxiety: A
          practical guide (2nd ed.). New York: The Guildford.

North, R. J., Holahan, C. J., Moos, R. H., & Cronkite, R. C. (2008). Family
          support, family income, and happiness: A 10-year perspective. Journal of
          Family Psychology, 22(3), 475-483.

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